For bigger shifts sometimes things get messy. Learning it is OK to make mistakes, being willing to risk, to speak the unspeakable, carrying on with your inner work and above all having faith you are where you are supposed to be.
I stick by my belief all these challenges are here to free us, not punish us. Illness is not here to punish us, if you are challenged here, are hear to teach us how to heal.
Unfortunately many of our hierarchical systems are founded on the belief when things go awry, it is because you have done something wrong, or are impure. Some of my dearest friends distanced me for years as I struggled with my health because they felt I wanted to be sick. On some level I knew I created it and that question sent me on a 23 year journey back to balancing my health, and that has been a wondrous and magical journey. Truly I did not know if I would make it as I was very challenged.
I have come to appreciate my challenges and relationships as profound opportunities to clear some of the old programming I have carried for eons.
I held tight to my knowing results are proportionate to my commitment. That has always produced momentous change and transformation. In January I was hanging by a thread, and yes I have a ways to go.
Digging deep to find my footing and trying new things has been messy, unpredictable and stressful. Yet all has pointed me into a path of trusting the new pathways opening was where I must go.
I do not regret a moment. I am still nervous and have many moments of magic and passion, and new gifts and talents emerging. New easier results. I know this journey is eternal so I remain on guard about attachments.
There is a part of me that wishes I could say, do a +b = will magically change everything.
I am convinced what it takes is learning to be nimble and going with the flow, and always honoring my inner relationship with my inner child and surrendering the results to Creator. The last part of this sentence, invoking Creator to heal my programming, is the only way through this, for that I am convinced.
I was reading some notes I made years ago on Inner Alchemy, and I came upon a sentence that opened a lot of understanding for me. During the birthing process we experience aggressive forces from within and without, and warring elements become nourishing. So every time we experience a birth or death, the birth trauma is triggered. During birth we also become overwhelmed and flooded with stimulation.
I was reflecting on this project I am passionate about and I kept going into a state of unrest and concern. My energy definitely was not flowing. I had to find what would give me a gain of energy and an opening. I think my birth trauma was getting triggered and it was also possible this may not be the direction to pursue in this moment.
I shared with a friend this stressful approach and she suggested I do something fun and creative. I felt removed from that energy and pulled out some notes on Inner Alchemy and notes on one of my greatest loves, "The Philosopher's Stone".
The difference was dizzying. My energy opened, built and I had not a concern at all on how to make it work. I was clear this was a direction for me to take even if in that moment. Hours disappeared, my heart filled with wonder and joy.
I was reminded about the importance of interrupting old patterns. You don't have to know a right way. Sometimes it can be as simple as going for a walk.
The power for judging my journey as right or wrong definitely plugged up the works.
Also noted was the infant fills with what he fears and hates at the moment of birth, also the inner part of self is felt to be dangerous.
Makes so much sense as to why when I step into reinventing myself such big fears are resurfacing. Just reminding myself this is just another step in waking up to the process, and all that is happening is normal. What a profound moment to use my tools to elevate that conversation.
This is going to take much repetition, and hopefully this is just another step on the ladder to becoming more nimble on my journey of health and joy.
Last night , I was meditating, and wondering how I could address some little stumbling blocks on the 3 Selves.
When I was in Phoenix, I was talking with a dear friend about the Inner Child, and she said it was like she had multiple personalities. Inner Child, Mind, and some big self. I have heard this from quite a few friends and somehow not being able to really connect with the subconscious/inner child. Somehow it made it more difficult.
Sleepless nights is a great time to do some of my inner work. Last night I saw the three selves as three streams of light/consciousness that filled my inner world, creating either divergent outcomes, chaos, or working together to elevate the triple man, or humaness and begin to unite and merge.
IT was like three giant tubes of paint, releasing its color or expression, and doing this dance within. By doing Ho'oponopono and cleaning programming and memories, the dance changed into this most beautiful mesmerizing light show.
It never has been like 3 beings living inside me and it has been helpful to understand their specific roles.
Our neighborhood is tackling this kudzu invasion and with 5 families we certainly have many opinions and alas some tensions. I turned my focus within me to know this is just my memory. My focus came off trying to fix the situation, and look inside. I was elated with the results and ease of a moment that in the past would have been a huge reaction.
The next day a different situation showed itself, and was more difficult for me to come back to my center. It is like flexing a never used muscle and am excited to live "not taking things so personally".
I have been working with the 3 selves for over 12 years and feel like a new babe in my understanding. Things are working, and energies are starting to let loose.
Situations that would have stopped me in my tracks are not only becoming manageable, a sense of discovery and adventure is being birthed.
My greatest takeaway is unless I build a deeper inner trust, and invoke my High Self and Creator, my patterns and memories will not transform.
I really am at a pause with my blog. Initially I did not think I was going to pull through and I thought maybe someone might benefit from my journey so I wanted to be sure some of it was in writing. Some of the tools, some of the magic, and assuming greater responsibility is the doorway to freedom.
I am at a new place, an unknown place and at a moment of birthing a new life. Intellectually I know what steps to take, however I am leaping into the unknown from the unknown of who I am and I trust the choices I am making. Sharing how I did it would be a fib/lie/untruth.
I will continue to write as long as I have something meaningful to share and that does not have to be polished for me.
I will recommend 3 small books that are life altering and informative and it is about Ho'oponopono and the 3 selves.
Blue Ice The relationship with the Self
Blue Ice Memories and Relationships
Blue Ice Get to the Cleaning
by Kamailelayli'l Raraelovich LMT, R, MBA.
Ihaleakala Hew Len Ph.D.
Momilani Ramstrym, Ph.D.
I found them on Amazon, If you get all three ask for combined shipping. They are pure gold.
If I can support you in any way email me or check out on FB The Inner Alchemist.
The reality is when going for big change in your life, the first thing that seems to appear are all the reasons why it can't happen. One of my teachers used to say, what comes up is what needs to be elevated and transformed in order for that change to take place. Add to that my newest important distinction, is making sure your inner child is on board for that change.
Judgement on what you are feeling will throw a big monkey wrench in the works.
When our perceptions are filtered through good/bad, right/wrong, we are handicapped to find new solutions and to see clearly. When we are present or aware, without judgment, our actions align with our commitments.
When we judge, we begin to try, and create doubt and tension.
When I lock up I go to my big picture or purpose
Purpose is the direction and intensity of your intent, sets your goal and moves you to it.
It takes trust to allow your simple awareness, your ”inner child” to take charge, explore trial and error to reach peak experience or performance.
Permission to fail. I think it has taken almost a lifetime to know the importance of failure. I become aware of the importance of my inner dialogue and reaching for gentleness in my approach. Speaking to my inner child as if it is a 3 year old.
Imagine you have permission to fail, a second chance, leaving you free to deal with the task at hand. We can stop trying and be one with the moment. Eliminate concern for getting it right. By releasing conscious control and turning it over to the “inner child”, difficult tasks can be easily dealt with.
Here is a powerful exercise
Focus on one of the senses
Feelings, Physical and Emotional
By focusing on the now, we relax our “trying” and allow us to choose the most
natural direction for change.
We can feel, know what works and what doesn’t.
Noticing subtle changes gives us new tools to solve problems and build on
Awareness can sometimes allow us to see the problem behind the problem.
Accepting the situation as it is sometimes opens the opportunity for change. (so amazingly powerful). Neville says own your current reality and it will set you free.
Pay attention to how you feel when doing your job.
Find what you can love, or enjoy.
When we don’t challenge ourselves, cause ourselves to stretch, we sink into mediocrity and boredom. We reach new heights by building on what we know, mastering technique, instilling confidence, inspiring us to learn more. Noticing our growth as it occurs provides us with the encouragement and discipline to continue learning. It is through this repetition, we begin trusting the relationship with the “inner child”; opening the doors to our vast reservoir of knowledge and ability to problem solve and find solutions.
Setting your goals for achievement, experience and learning.
Your goal/outcome will work in your “inner child” and drive you forward
Here is a really powerful exercise in journaling.
Learning goal; to handle my fear of failure and to have better concentration
Create a goal or outcome journal
Write in it everyday
Long range 5-10 years
Medium range 1-5 years
Short range 2-15 weeks
This weeks goal
Next weeks goal
Barriers to Trust (identify)
Doubting your Ability (identify)
Fear of losing Control (notice)
Concern about how you are perceived (identify)
Trust must be present to turn things over to our “inner child”, the most capable aspect of our being.
“Letting go to the environment”.
Look around the room for something that possesses the quality you feel you are lacking. Feel it, experience it through your senses, then get back to the task at hand. This will trigger access to the “Me”.
“Letting go to overload”.
“Letting go to the impossible”. Often a fruitful doorway during crisis. It is really letting go to the possible, the potential within.
The ‘Consciousness” is concerned with failure, and unless we become vulnerable and accept it as possibility we can never know how far our “inner child” can take us. What first looks stressful or negative, can be understood as opportunities for discovering resolution and solutions, we can begin to flow with them. Our greatest pleasures often embrace our ability to bring a seemingly negative situation into harmonious resolution. Our goal is to experience the now fully, without judgment.
There are many spiritual traditions, and new ones emerging. One thing they have in common is the effort to get to know the essence of a person, the essence of oneself in all its complexity, ranging across the spectrum from divinity to senseless animal willfulness.
In medical care many drugs and treatments are of dubious therapeutic value.The major infectious diseases are eradicated not by pharmaceutical but by improved hygiene and living conditions.
The most effective pharmaceutical known is the placebo. They are effective because the patient believes they will work. When I have worked with clients on their health I encourage them to design their protocol according to what they believe in. My road is my road and would never recommend anyone to adapt my way. Although I do stress the importance of the role of the subconscious and inner child. It must be on board to work its healing magic.
From User Illusion
The understanding and sympathy of a good doctor or nurse can inspire the belief that a patient will get better. (Same is true when given a death sentence, or incurable diagnosis) In this context. It is less important which pharmaceuticals are used, even though for many patients it is vital that a pharmaceutical be used.
Upon receiving a prognosis and diagnosis the most important issue to
What can happen when such a pharmaceutical is employed is the Consciousness of mental body again begins to trust the ability of the Inner Child or subconscious to heal itself. Disease often involves crises in which we lose faith in our own abilities: overwork, disappointments, and unhappiness make the body say Stop, and that we no longer believe that we can cope with the situation and recover.
The Consciousness does not want to let the inner child/subconscious have its way by giving in to the urge to go to bed and eat candy while we watch soap operas and read magazines. The mental body does not believe in the self healing powers of the inner Child (which runs our bodies).
So the relationship between treater and treated is a relationship between the patients mental body and inner child/subconscious.
A cornea transplant experiment. Prior to surgery SB was active happy and mastered many activities not normally associated with the blind. After his bandages were removed, he heard a voice, and saw nothing but a blur. He realized this must be a face because of the voice. He did not suddenly see the world of objects. As he regained he had no trouble recognizing many objects familiar to him only through touch.
A year after his surgery he died from depression. Seeing the world had been a disappointment. His story tells us how hard it is to see something we have not simulated beforehand. Believing is seeing.
The consciously controlled body deals with everything to do with the willpower and thinking: everything one can do with one’s body if one wants. The other does everything one cannot control. It deals with the circulation, the reflexes, digestion, sexuality and emotional reactions.
The most important bridge between the two bodies is respiration. We can control our breathing consciously. Many mental and spiritual techniques are based on this: Developing our breathing. This is how we build chi or mana, which is manifested through our body and run by our inner child/subconscious.
This is why it is so vital to get your subconscious/inner child on board.
Yesterday I looked back over my journey since December last year. I had what I called a lifting of the heaviness of my journey, then into January I could not add and subtract, or count to 50. I always had a somewhat sharp mind and a remarkable memory. I was terrified. I also had not seen a dentist in a year and was having pain in my lower jaw throughout most of last year. The dentist gave me an estimate of between $25-29,000. Not even possible.
That is what got me exploring going to Mexico and going for saving my life. I knew I was in trouble. Abscesses galore. I was doubting I had what it took to turn it around. For years I held the belief that the body was capable of healing anything, especially if I was working on the consciousness piece and supporting myself with plant medicine and good food. I was out of ideas. Off I went.
8 months later my memory is returning, my energy is building, my creativity is emboldened. A business of 30 years collapsed 2 months ago so I have been scrambling a bit. I am however developing a deeper trust and faith things are going as they should and will work out. Sometimes I panic, and many times I am at peace.
Sundays are always a day of reflection and I was able to witness all the amazing challenges that worked out, the wonder of facing my greatest fears, and accessing the body's ability to come back into balance. I would have to say a very extraordinary 8 months. And I have quite a journey in front of me. My path is clearing, and becoming clearer and I am better off for these teachings from the tooth fairy.
I am reminded of the power of experiencing what obstacles turn into in the healed state. It definitely propelled me forward. I trust that premise. I experience all the challenges of the past enhancing and gifting me with a wondrous and magical relationship with Mother Earth and her worlds. It remains a bit challenging for me to be around a lot of people. I have some treasured long standing friendships that are renewed, and moving forward to find out who I am as an artist, and this project I am jumping into. This is something I have held near and dear to my heart for years. I will share more later.
I can see how important it is to make sure the subconscious is on board for the changes being asked for. To care for that relationship with greater attention and an awakening to the fact that the inner child is willing to follow and enhance this journey with its vast resources. Celebrating victories is important, really important. I saw an exercise one to write all your successes on little pieces of paper and put them in a jar or bowl. This exercise had you open it at the beginning of the new year and Ii would reflect a few times a month would be very powerful. It is so easy to fall into the habit of seeing all the things that need to be changed, and slip into the good/bad right/wrong approach to life.
Take a moment, and fling the door open to your victories, small, large, one step at a time victories, celebrate them and experience a profound shift in connecting to your intuition and inner child. Rest in knowing you are on course.
It took me ages to discover the power of healing my judgments. Becoming present to difficult feelings, and beginning to learn how to welcome up those feelings, without judgement. It seemed to ignite an innate ability to come into balance. Weaving into this simple process the awareness of speaking to my subconscious/inner child as if it was a young child settled many fears. Honestly it has taken years of trial and error to learn the power of this inner relationship and its role in hearing "Spirit" and manifesting my outcomes.
Adding to this the knowing when manifesting is plugged up, it is usually fear in the inner child of the changes asked for and is lacking in trust. I feel that what is required here, the motherly charge of nurturing and loving that aspect of self.
Generations of brokenness and the transformation of reactive patterns and memories can happen here.
For years I have been driven by my strong will. Willfully fixing this and that, and all the trappings of the intellect. Really very little can heal from this place. It must be done from asking Divinity or Creator to heal these programs. And first you have to acknowledge their existence within. All that is happening in my life is an out-picturing of an unresolved trauma or memory. And with an inner child that processes 11,000,000 bits of information a second no wonder life is eternal.
As I remembered my childhood history, I certainly tried to tame that aspect of self, filled with sadness, anguish, and terror, by dominating those feelings, judging them as base in nature, and to be controlled at all costs. Deep inside I lived from a fear I would surely not live through looking at or feeling those feelings.
I think I knew I had used my judgments of others to manage my fear of intimacy, even by my judgement that they needed to be fixed or helped. The man that has had the greatest effect on my life said it is the healers of the world that have messed things up so much. I have spent over 12 years exploring that conversation and inquiry.
Who am I to judge. Creator and High Self has plans and solutions far greater than anything I could come up with.
Discomfort with my own pain was a big motivating factor in fixing others as well. I found the more comfortable I became at feeling my own pain it opened to door to listen deeper, judge less, and be filled with a profound compassion and love. I quit trying to fix them, and focus endlessly on healing myself.
Change yourself and the whole world changes. Starting to get it.