I feel it is so very important to see the big picture or what some of these blocks turn into in the healed state. I have been doing this a long time and originally decided to write this blog to inspire others who have experienced severe lifetimes that all is possible, and with focus and commitment there is a way out, to be free of the confines of the past.
I always felt I would come out the other side vibrant and excited to experience deep intimacy. I was attached to what it looked like and found that to become one of my greatest stumbling blocks. If you open to how society and most religions judges illness , it is quite an eye opener. Think about it. When you get sick what is the first place you go? For me it is what am I doing wrong, or what is wrong with me. Most people I know, including me, immediately go into fix it mode, or find someone else who will fix it. OMG I have almost killed myself with this reaction. After all this time I have come to know my body as an amazing healing machine. If I had just trusted this, I am certain my journey would look very different at this moment.
I had an early diagnosis of a growth on my thyroid. and for the next 20 years my commitment and study has been how to cleanse and heal. I worked with a very famous naturopath early on and with his recommended cleanse I was puking and pooping blood and lived on the floor of my bathroom for the first few days.
No one ever talked to me about the dangers of cleanses done improperly. I flooded my body with these very harsh protocols for years, never once understanding cleansing should be done gently and systematically, starting with the intestines, then kidneys and liver and a lot of rest and nourishment, then go from there.
I also lost my two best friends to cancer during this same time. I watched them go from one protocol to another beginning to see that is the first instinctual reaction with dealing with life threatening disease. I found one protocol and stuck with it for many years and am sure that is a big piece as to why I am alive. If you ever have a life threatening diagnosis, whether it is allopathic or natural, find a protocol from someone who has great results. Your chances for recovery will have the best chance if you pick a way that you believe in. I have friends who have chosen the traditional treatment for cancer. I always supported their choice. I just could not pour more poison into my body, and many doctors would never consider it for themselves. That was a road I could not go down. Trust your choice and go for it. And always look at the consciousness that creates physical challenges.
Because I had a catastrophic trauma with a medical doctor I could not go there.My gut led me in a different direction.
I studied thousands of protocols by some doctors that had a better than 80% cure rate. I learned herbs and how to make medicines. ( I recently had a chance to work with a family who had a brother that refused to have his foot amputated and we did a soak from one of these herbalists. It said his foot would turn pink in 4 days and in 2 his foot which had been black had turned pink, except two toes. Sadly, he said he did not want to get well, and was ready to transition and I left knowing he was journeying down his path. It was extraordinary to witness this amazing capacity of our physical bodies. And the power of consciousness as well. For me life is often a choice and from there I find my way out.
My study of Ho'oponopono and the work of Max Freedom Long has led me to the understanding, by the time something anchors into the physical it has passed the the other subtle bodies and the thought form most likely has been going on for generations.
The women in my family for at least 5 generations all became extremely ill for over 10 years and then either went insane or died. Both me and my sister have had chronic illnesses, intense conditions for over 20 years. Even though we have had little contact over the last 35 years, our conditions have mirrored each other.
One of my teachers said to me once, the first time we met, Jan it is really hard to heal murder and rape. I felt somewhat relieved when he said this as I felt it was really hard to heal, and often did not see a designated path. He also said, as an example if your grandfather cut someone's head off with an ax, that moment will visit you and the next generations unless you heal it. This is what I felt was part of my destiny. I trust that is a big part of my job description. I know not many people have lived through or survived my past, and somehow trust that I chose this path because I could. This truly frees up my heart and energy. I do not feel a victim to circumstances. I have remembered choosing my family, and before I came out of the chute, I remember thinking oops.
After many,many years I am learning faith and trust at the deepest levels. I am grateful and excited to press on and see what my next steps are. Fear and constraint are becoming deep unshakable trust. Mind you it is not always unshakable, but many of my moments are, and when I lose my way I have glorious and amazing friends that remind me.
I didn't think it would take me so long to get my "sea legs". Things were moving along getting better everyday, so happy. I was experiencing true happiness and everyday felt Creator was nurturing my re-assemblage. Then a crown broke and off to the dentist. Oy. Crushing news. I got an estimate of between 25-29,000 dollars. I had been told I had an infection in my bone years ago and and vertical cracks from two implants. Anyway I had a total freak out, and started searching for a dentist in Mexico.
Found one, booked a ticket and didn't even have enough for my mortgage. I have had two donations, and am off and running. When I pray I kept getting the word leap, and leaping I am. I have moments where I experience great fear and more moments experiencing possibilities opening up, many choices coming my way, and a knowing I can put much of my journey behind me as speed bumps.
Life is so very sacred, and moments of love and trust even more so. I can tell magic and healing are present. I am grateful.