I know the previous few posts might have been a bit boring to some, however I had to share some of these distinctions so you could understand my sharing.
I chose a seriously challenging life this round, that I assure you. It has taken every ounce of everything I have and then some to still be vertical and passionate about life.
I truly have memory of choosing my family, and thinking of coming out the chute and wondering what the heck I had gotten myself into.
A brief recap. I had a 16 year memory loss. It took me 35 years to process 5 gruesome incidents. My commitment was to remember as much as possible of this lifetime. I pushed, with intent and the walls began to fall over the last 4 years.
My experience has been I have to remember and feel in order to transform my personal history and release trapped energy, which in turn affords me access to my heart and my creativity.
The last few years have been harder than I ever imagined, and the payoff has been greater than I imagined. My inspiration has been my ever growing relationship with our world, very special friendships and exploring and pushing the envelope of transformation.
I could write volumes about the brokenness of my family, their cruelty and the lives it cost. I often feel I was birthed from the bowels of humanity, and because I chose this walk I have to ask why? for what reason?
Initially in the field of allopathic and natural medicine I was given a grim prognosis. In the spiritual arena I managed to draw in reflections of that feeling of "less than" and feeling tainted. I also was blessed with a few who were and remain my cheerleaders and encouragers.
To this day I still am a bit shocked that people I began this journey with still hold the belief, illness comes from impure thoughts.
That kind of judgement is not conducive to miracles and homeostasis, and they are the teachers in this world. Of course there are impure thoughts, we have an aspect of our being that records 11,000,000 bits of information per second. Many are "impure". Do people honestly believe you can just think nice things, repress the un-nice things and that makes them go away?
If our inner world is reflected in our outer world, how is that approach working?
We have to be able to elevate those conversations and that must be done from a place of love and respect, not bullying and dominating our inner being. That causes a split, that over generations continues to revisit its lineage until someone says the buck stops here.
What a ride. What failures and sweet victories and what richness.