You know how the law of attraction is described? Focus on what your outcome is, be positive, and it will happen. All you have to do is manage your stinking thinking. I have years long conversations wondering what it was that I was doing wrong, to not have my outcome manifest.
I searched high and low, had teachers that just said get over it, recommitted and took new action steps. It wasn’t until about 8 years ago did I begin to find answers that made so much sense, and it brings me back to my understanding of the three selves and their roles in manifesting and prayer.
Two of the most important and vital concepts for me were; any unresolved traumas, remained in the body as trapped energy until felt and re-experienced, and the subconscious or inner child has no discernment and records 11,000,000 bits of information per second. It records everything.
Early on in my quest to get well, I would work with a variety of healers to try to get insight. I did not like feeling so challenged physically, and was determined to go to battle for my health. I had one healer that said for $500 he would clear my karma, I had another healer in Austin, that said I must have been cute in a past life to experience so much trauma. He was dismissive and made me feel I was somehow bad and deserving of so much suffering.
I contacted a well-known medical intuitive and had a reading via the phone. This is fascinating. She told me I had MS, from a dog bite as a child. This scared me in a big way. I ignored it, it did not feel right, and within a month I started drooling and becoming weak. Over the next few months I began falling over and even had many moments of falling over or down, and remember on more than one occasion not being able to walk, or get home from the studio, and not being able to get upstairs to my bed. I never talked to anyone about this period of time, ever. I thought I am not taking this one on. I knew there was a relationship to this person diagnosing me and my ever growing serious symptoms.
I had a friend in Arizona whose husband was admitted to the hospital with leg pain. They x-rayed him and found a tumor that had enveloped his bone. They gave him a brief time to live, and it was so. I have lost two of my dearest friends to cancer. One friend was a world renown healer. We had talked about some things going on for both of us, and she never revealed the intensity of what she was going for her. She started sleeping a lot, lost a lot of weight, talked about how good she felt, and at some point decided to go to a clinic. They said she had cancer of the lungs which had spread to her colon. She was given a week to live, and she was dead within a month. Everyone sat around her waiting for her to die.
I have many more friends and relative I have lost to cancer as so many of us have. A few have survived. I think the statistics are One in three people will get cancer. What is that about. With all of our great advances our statistics are getting worse. If you search stories about people who have approached their healing in ways that are out of the box, on occasion miraculous results happen. I began delving into this.
I had heard from one of my teachers, there was a case of a woman with multiple personalities that had cancer in one personality, and it was gone in another. For me whether that is a documented case or not, it was a bold example of what is possible if you shift your consciousness. Would I be able to uncover my conversations which led to my diseases, and shift into another space and be well? Clearly I have not hit that space and I have discovered a lot of cool stuff taking my baby steps.
There are certain diseases that only exist in hospitals. Most people when they get a life ending diagnosis, have every professional focusing on them expecting them to die, their staff and any health care worker that reads their charts, and then their family members begin to gather waiting for their death. All of this mostly happens in our unconscious, nobody does this intentionally, however I began to see, this fed the consciousness of disease as well as death.
I began to think about the laws of manifestation. What we put our attention on, and feel, becomes.
What would happen if I did not share with many people, only shared with those I trusted to be able to hold the space of my victory? Would that increase my odds to heal?
Then there was the matter of the collective consciousness. What do we believe as a whole about cancer?
Most of my friends say, everyone has to die, and I look at it differently.
Every woman from my lineage, back several generations, got sick for better than 10 years, then went insane or died. An example I would use with myself was, if each generation was 50 years, and this thought form or belief went back 5 generations, did this have the energy of a 250-year-old thought form? Was that laying on top of my own hopes and fears? This felt right.
My sister and I had not spoken for decades, and when we did reconnect it was wonderful and cosmic. My sister was completely living in the western approach to medicine. However, every disease I had including my cataracts she had. One year my blood pressure had spiked to 235 over 165. At the same time, she had had the same BP readings, our cataracts at the same time, and every theory I had about what was going on she had had a formal diagnosis. Interesting and haunting.
I have found for myself and some loved ones when a diagnosis is given an instinctual energy arises to do anything and everything possible to get this disease out of us. Many religions pass down the belief disease visits someone because they have done something wrong or a less than.
Another interesting concept from Joe Scogna. We are capable of healing much, and unleashing the body’s ability to homeostasis. However, with how we have raped and pillaged the earth, robbed the soils of its minerals and nutrients, polluted the air and waters, all the extra toxins interfere with our body’s natural ability to come into balance. This is on top of whatever we are dealing with emotional and spiritually.
I have lost my greatest loves to disease and struggle with my own. However, I believe life is a choice. Many of my friends and peers disagree with this concept. Remember when I shared a bit of my journey to Arizona? The group I communed with believed life was a choice. Two people who led this exploration, that I love deeply to this day were a couple named Bernie and Chuck. They believe we can live forever and death is a program. I heard Bernie say on many an occasion if she got sick, she would simply outlive it. Chuck has since died, yet when I was at death’s door through the years I would watch her on YouTube or connect with her and make a new choice for myself. My teacher in Ho’oponopono says all disease is consciousness. By the time it anchors in the physical, it has been around for a very long time.
What does this have to do with disease? A lot. Have I figured it out? Hell no. Am I making headway? Hell yes. Is there a lot here to ponder? I would say resoundingly yes. I will always be inspired by the man who was given moment to live, denied chemo and treatments, lived another 30 years and even got married.
When I shut my eyes I can see myself somewhere on the coast of England, Scotland, or Ireland, leaning into my mate, feeling his new beard against my neck, wind blowing, holding hands as we walk along the cliffs., feeling full and loving life and each other.
Over thirty-five years ago I made a powerful commitment to do whatever it took to heal myself.. My emotional life was a mess and I began my search for tools and technologies that produced