I begin with,I live from "I am100% responsible for my world", and what I perceive in the outer world is a reflection of my inner communications even though I may not be in touch with them or be able to see them. That sets up the beginning framework of not blaming what is outside me and gives me a great foundation to grow from.
Since my childhood was incest, sexual abuse and extreme physical trauma, I have deeply wrestled with this stand. I always sought an empowering perspective, and for many years I just struggled to cope with giving myself permission to feel all my feelings and gave up trying to skip over it all and forgive. I did try that for quite some time and found the stuff that was festering beneath everything made me feel it was a lie, and that this approach is impossible for reaching true forgiveness.
This is a chunked down version of a 35 year old quest. It has been intense, frequently hard, definitely soul searching, and alas very wondrous and magical as well. I would not trade my life with anyone else, and I would not wish it on anyone else either. My prayer is some of what I have learned might open the door to others that are bumping up against big stuff and might feel at a loss or hopeless or are wondering what they are doing wrong. You are not doing anything wrong. This is hard work and there are not many answers that are working beyond affirmations, thinking positive and staying in control. If you carry pain at this level it is close to impossible to manage our darker feelings, and our society tells us to take a pill and make it go away, or we self medicate to find some relief. Our Veterans with PTSD committing suicide at an alarming rate, our Native Children are killing themselves with drugs and alcohol without understanding the pain they are carrying for many generations, consequences of the American Genocide, and all who struggle with this world and unresolved pain and anguish.
In my experience, just getting over it will not create healing and balance. The whole world told me not to give in to the scarier feelings, and lord I tried. I embarked on a very long quest and for the last 16 years I have gone inward and taken a deep dive into trusting there might be another way.
I would see in the world our children killing children, Isis beheading innocents, rampant drug addiction where 95% of our heroin epidemic begins with pain pills prescribed by doctors and a world where we continually turn to others to fix us, especially when uncomfortable feelings surface. To fix, change or stop them.
Wonder if you understood that fear is natural and part of the mental body's fear of the unknown and surrender? Wonder if you knew the feeling body, will run off with your life, your choices and create an oppressive environment because you are numb and not in touch with heart. Wonder if you know you have a vast inner team that is capable of miraculous solutions and healing, and the gateway is through your feeling body?
I know my approach will never win me a popularity contest, nor make me rich, and I am so very passionate about sharing this approach. Just consider another way. Our old ways are not working.
I just shared this approach with 2 very special Native Elders in exploring this approach for taking into their communities.
An aspect of this conversation is exploring what this turns into in the healed state. We explored what the American Genocide turns into in the healed state. This comes from a teaching I learned years ago and has saved my life on many occasions. This is how it works. Write down your biggest challenges, trauma or source of pain down one column. Now discover what they become when they heal. It will be directly opposite of the source of pain, and be big enough to heal the source of your pain, no matter what happened.
One of my examples:
Rape = I am honored, respected and cherished and touched
appropriately. My passion and honesty is my safety
and God has my back.
Another exercise that is really powerful is to write your negative feelings down quickly and without editing, then burn them or toss them in a prayerful way. Remember unresolved feelings remain trapped inside, and color all your interactions. Getting present to them will help them leave and release a lot of good energy. If you have a lot of unresolved feelings about a relationship even if they have passed, write them a letter. I usually set up these exercises by calling in Divinity to heal this for me and to be sure I cause no harm to anyone.