I have had to train myself to follow where my energy opens, until I hit the arena of jumping into the unknown. After all this, it still is scary for me. I did a lot of seeking to find some answers. Yes, it involves my lack of faith and trust, and I felt it was bigger than that. In studying the roles of the 3 selves, it was an eye opener to discover the nature of the mental body is to stay in the known, and to suppress going into the unknown. The mental body loves to go from point “a” to point “b”. To travel in straight lines and more importantly to have a map and have as much figured out as possible. Exploring this as a possibility has allowed me to take more tiny steps and to nurture discernment of which inner voice to listen too.
I was talking to a friend the other day who was in a crisis and when I was praying about her situation, I was reminded of the power of some of my teachers and their approach to healing. Since so much of my battle was with myself and my inner judge of right and wrong, pathways that allowed a new understanding or perspective began to cross my path. Learning how to ask the right questions has been a big piece of what has led me out of some very dark places.
I am going to share a bit of what I learned from Joe Scogna, that changed my life and approach forever opening worlds of forgiveness, and letting go of so much judgement. Much of his approach was scientific and was about physics. His approach was traumas and memories caused us to become magnetic to our patterns, how we run energy and how we run our energy through particular organ systems that would then begin to overheat and break down.
I was like, OMG, all this stuff is recurring because I have become magnetized to recreate them. I think my amygdala got set on high and I am still trying to cool it down. Some people feel that is a big component with people that have PTSD. Joe was the first time I had ever considered I had become magnetic, and it was not just some form of self-sabotage because I did not love myself or something bad I was trying to do to myself. It was a huge weight lifting off me. It also offered a way out. Now it was about what I could do to cool my systems down. That is where my flower essences were so extremely helpful. When I used my system to find the memory triggered and how I run my energy, I would make up essence targeting specific organs to help lift the memories into my awareness and cool things off.
With the coaching I do I have to say that is singularly the most confrontive thing anyone has to do is to feel their feelings. I still wrestle ways of sharing tools that supports more trust and confidence. It is a journey, and as I build more trust and understand the huge release of light and energy in my body, I open up and begin to welcome my feelings.
After I got the memory of the KKK hanging, I participated in a class that was designed to release repressed memories, and it was with a teacher that knew some of my history. There was some prep of mineralizing the body, and I jumped in. I believe there were about 30 people. I was a bit concerned on what my reliving memories would be like for others. He had me jump on the table with a handful of others holding some acupressure points. I relived every moment of the hanging. There is very little talking in this particular system. It was intense, and lasted about an hour and half. People were vomiting and I was in anguish. I had a lot of trust in this space and went for it. I knew if I could relive it with feeling I would have much heaviness leave, and much light in its place. Close to the end of the session, it was as if all of us were blessed with the grace of the higher realms. The people working with me were extraordinary to holding the space, and their gift of love enabled me to face so much and forever changed me.
After the session, I was spent, and I went over to an altar that was set up in the room and there was a picture of the Dalai Lama, and Gurumayi. I looked into the pictures and was filled with such love and tenderness, and knew all was good.
On my way home that evening, there was a big snowstorm, and I was listening to Public Radio, and there was an African American being interviewed about the KKK hangings in the south and how they were a family event. Sometime when new memories surface, there is always a bit of a question of is that really possible. This radio interview was the first time I had ever heard of such a thing as an adult. In college, during the late 60’s at the University of Alabama, I was very protective of the African Americans and felt much comradery with them. I did not care for the white people much back then and have always gone into panic attacks going to gatherings. So many of my quirks and fears made sense.
I struggle a bit on how much to share and how to share it. My heart is to share a space that no matter how bleak things have looked from time to time, I chose this. Finding empowering approaches that allow the” Great” freedom to envelope me by assuming greater responsibility. Understanding this is my job, what I signed up for this lifetime, allows me to reach deep inside to find my heart and my courage. When I take the time to reflect on all the gifts this life has blessed me with it is profound.
My life doesn’t look anything like what I had in mind, and it is so much greater.
Working with the plants, as I shared before has been so magical and such a blessing. I can remember after I made Resurrection, I drawn into this wondrous world of the beauty of flowers. The blueprint they hold is for the whole plant.
Years ago I was taught they were about trust and innocence. And indeed they are and so much more. Some First Nation Peoples say within 50 feet of where you live there is a plant that will heal you. For me they are also the bridgers, their roots deep within the earth and their leaves reaching high toward the sun. For me they are here to help us bridge heaven and earth, or our humanness and our spirit, within our bodies.
I journey to many places within these forests journey with them. I stalked places that had been ravaged by poison to learn from them how to help lift the poison within my own form. When I was dealing with memories and the organs affected I would be drawn to a place where groupings of flowers would grow, and during ceremony they would reveal how they work together. Over a two-year period, I just did ceremony with the flowers and made over 250 essences. There was a time I remembered every location and what the plant looked like along with any animals or insects that were interacting.
Then I began to make formulas to help ease and quicken letting go of trapped energy. They bring a quickening and much light. Soul Fire Flower Essences are from the plant kingdom. I am forever blessed by their expression and gifts. I do know the plants share their energy when a person is in their hearts. They have brought me much hope, and blessings beyond what I can find words for.