I took a long break because I entered into experiences I could not share, not because I was embarrassed but because I could not wrap myself around what was triggering so much fear, tools not working. So I did the only thing I knew to work which was walking into my feelings as full out as I could.
Herring's Law of Cure states we heal from the least intense to the most intense. I certainly had entered into the most intense moments of my journey. As I have shared, many of my blocks had shown up as physical issues. As the intensity grew so did my symptoms. I decided to deep dive into this dark intense space using all I had learned and discovered. I did not understand what this part of my journey was about, until it finally lifted.
December 22. I will remember that day for eternity.
I am purpose driven, and that was what sustained me. I had to settle into trusting my knowing that my spirit only brings me what is best for me, and for several months I hung onto that awareness. I grappled with finding my big picture. I seemed to stay in a state of survival and that can be exhausting. Then I heard someone on TV say blocks and failure are moments for innovation. That became my mantra.
Ii really did not even know how to talk about this time. I had a deep knowing that I chose this life, and somehow was going to come out the other side healed. I was challenged reconciling my life with my beliefs.
I kept walking into my feelings and being as present to them as I could. I prayed, went on walks, played with my fur babies and did only what stirred my passion. Somewhere along the way I recognized I was re experiencing how I felt as a small girl.
From that moment on I was not resisting this part of my journey. I buckled up and awoke to the possibility, this was a place where I shattered as a young girl. It made everything easier. I certainly longed for a place to talk about this, and to be honest my friends held the boat steady, even though they were uncomfortable with my pain. I could not have done this turnaround without the safety of friendship. I feel so blessed to have such extraordinary friends.
Even though it took all that i had and then some, I woke up on December 22, deeply happy, safe, full of light an deeply trusting God had my back. Everyday my health improve a little more, along with my faith and trust. I experienced the moment I shattered and Creator is helping to put me back together from a place of greater wholeness. I feel I have just stepped out of a 66 year journey of the dark night of the soul.