This last trip to Mexico knocked the wind out of me for a moment. Living in the woods for almost 20 years, had afforded me much needed quiet to navigate my healing. Plus it was easy to stay away from crowds and lots of traffic, which I had developed great discomfort for. Along with growing fears of those moments, I became way more comfortable staying at home. There have been many years I only leave the house a few times a month.
I also had tremendous fear of dentists.
About two weeks ago, I was eating a piece of toast and a tooth broke off under the gum line. I flew to Mexico, had an emergency extraction, bone grafts and preparation for a bridge. All with just Novocaine. I am a huge sissy with pain.
On my trip to Phoenix, I rented a car, drove through heavy heavy traffic. I steadied myself with deep breaths and slowed down to 50 mph. LOL, I am so glad I have white hair because there were several hundred pissed off Phoenicians passing me in every lane. It was impossible for me to move over. I arrived safely at a treasured friend's home and had a day to regroup and prepare to drive to Mexico.
Another journey through early morning rush hour traffic. I was so frightened I was having to wipe my hands every 15 seconds to maintain a grip on the steering wheel. Once I passed Buckeye, traffic lessened and I could reflect on my journey so far. I remembered, what was for me, a life changing distinction in my last post. That is if my inner child does not feel safe with the changes being asked for it will dig in and not allow the changes to manifest. Somehow that was deeply comforting for me. Clearly I did not feel safe, and with that knowledge I started to dialogue with my inner child, listening from a different place. This allowed me to stay in the moment, one foot in front of the other, and arrived at my dental destination. I felt oddly confident, and had way more courage. I did a visualization with my inner child during the surgery. Bone grafts 12 stitches later I went to the Hotel and slept until the next morning.
This time approaching traffic, I was not so nervous. I continued to focus on the moment, and even though I was in a lot of pain, this was doable. Before I fell asleep I could thank Creator for the opportunity to face so many of my deeper fears and emerge safe and more energized.
Initially when I left home, I felt beat up and a little defeated. I could not see anything wonderful coming from this trip.
I traveled over 20 hours to get home I instantly crawled into bed and slept over 20 hours. I came downstairs and opened my computer. It got fried during 4 storms that passed through while in Mexico. It was actually scorched on the bottom. In the past, this would have sent me on a huge tailspin. This time my first thought was something would work out. I am now typing on my new to me computer.
I decided to do my visualization to see the big picture of my current challenges and gain understanding and insight. (This visualization is in the resource section, and can be very fun!) Wowza, the gates opened. I have long held the belief that if you can see what a situation is here to teach you or the gifts held there, it is so much easier to go through and be in the moment.
I should have done it before I left.
I do not believe obstacles, difficult times or disease happen because we have done something wrong or is necessarily karma. I believe we draw in those moments to bless us with great gifts and awakenings. We are not taught to look at things that way. Give it a try.