What does it mean to make right, especially in situations of violence that has cost lives?
I believe there can be as many answers as there are beliefs. For me as I awakened to the depth of violence my family carried, I understood why my lifetime was sometimes so difficult. It is written that there are only 2 sins, causing harm to another, and missing the mark.
My family caused great harm to others on a big scale, and to me and my sister. I used to believe I had been molested by over 10 men and women by the time I was 8, and I believe it was more than that now. At 7 I also witnessed a KKK hanging, in Alabama. This has been one of the most difficult moments to share. I can remember a friend on Facebook had posted on his news feed an article on those hangings and for the first time I wrote about the experience. He was Native American and for the first time someone said to me I am sorry you had to witness this. It was one of the most horrific memories I experienced.
When I started getting my memory back, my life began to shut down, more confining, until I found my cabin in the mountains, and I felt safe enough to deep dive into this space of deep work. When I understood the inner child may ask me to do penance, it answered so many questions and freed me up to follow moments that opened my energy and opened my heart, and do acts of kindness with awareness.
I also believe the women in my lineage that experienced long physical challenges, were terrified of their power, and this was a way of suppressing their life force and voice. I think this is an extreme example of squelching the unpredictable feelings in the inner child, and what can happen over a lifetime, of having that severe break between Mental Body and Subconscious/Inner Child.
I have pondered this concept for over 12 years and it has uplifted my perspective from victim to willingly participate in my life as doing the job Creator gave me because I could.
One thing I have learned is to follow moments in my life that open my energy. Hang with people who open my heart, and commit to loving to the best of my ability moment to moment.
That's why it has been so profound with the Native Americans. My whole being opens because of the depth of love I feel just looking in their eye. I certainly know a whole lot happens there. I haven never known a love like this. Trust me it is rarely reciprocated and my love has nothing to do with what the give to me. I have a few relationships that have endured time, where a few friends, have saved my life. I believe it has been the first space outside of a few friends where they experience me as an honest and caring person. I am left with a sense of respect and kindness and it has empowered me to continue on this wild ride.
So having a handful of spiritually stunning beings, can heal a lifetime of rejection by family. To be judged as spiritually less than by most people because my history is dark. To be labeled impure because of my challenges has been a big one this lifetime. Ultimately this thought-form originates within.
That has been my deepest wound, and the place where I have found my greatest light.