One of my great teachers once said to me "poor human beings, they do not realize they are caught in the iron grip of the mental body. If we are not coming from a state of love we are reacting to a memory." Given our subconscious records 11,000,000 bits of information per second and has no discernment, we have many conversations awaiting transformation.
Given the intensity of my history, it has been a long journey. Learning to be present to my feelings and recovering so many lost years, my greatest learning has been to walk into my feelings, feeling them, being present. Holding the space of non judgement is where the magic happens.
Years ago one of my teachers was facilitating me in front of a large crowd. A memory surfaced and he asked what was I feeling. I said "terrified". He said "no you are not. You are terrified to feel your terror. When you feel your terror it will transform quickly."
I took a breath, reminding myself this is a memory, and allowed my feelings to surface. Within minutes, after feeling the discomfort of terror, I was flooded with forgiveness and relief. One of the greatest teachings of my life.
Another one of my great teachers talked about memories from the perspective being trapped energy, and that the only way to release that energy was by reliving the memory.
During the last few months I was reminded to allow Creator to heal me, relax, follow what gives me more energy and to trust what I am here to learn. The challenges presented are here to bless me. I have been reminded daily that my spirit only calls me into opportunities of innovation and faith.
It has been a long haul, of my choosing, taking me back to where I shattered. It is the doorway where I can birth myself anew.