There is a documentary on this evening called Breaking Hate. I am so grateful for all the News Journalists that remain truth seekers and impartial and direct reporting. The divisive nature of our politics is concerning, and it is time to walk into this arena so we can heal ourselves and our world. We can be emboldened to walk into our past choices so we can effect radical change. Our entire world is aching for change, and it is time we correct our current course of action.
I do not believe one person is bringing this on, and I do believe our political leaders are demonstrating our inner divide, our darker and darkest nature. If we can lift our hearts a bit and seize this moment to create change that has been long awaiting our readiness and commitment to truth and honor.
My heart aches for the families seeking refuge and having their children ripped away. We are demonstrating a long held fear of "otherness" and making devastating choices for these children and families. They will spend a lifetime or lifetimes learning how to deal with these acts and help will be forever wired into betrayal at the deepest levels. We only have to look at the devastating effects on the lives of Native Americans and our ancestral genocidal actions to destroy an entire civilization. We are a long way from making amends.
I have crawled out of worlds of devastating and oppressive lifestyles, and I have a glimmer of what is involved in healing the aftermath of this hatred and inner divide. I know together we can heal our inner divide, and bring relationship, responsibility and care back into our societies, flinging the door open to massive healing and harmony.
Many Native Americans have teachings predicting this time of great choice.
We are at that place of choice. It can be an amazing time of change and transformation.
We have to learn from the choices made and the consequences of those actions. We are destroying much at this time. This can only be done through our hearts, and by facing our darker nature then together elevating this conversation.
We must do this for our children, and our earth. We have power mongers killing these precious beings, blowing them up, ripping them away, dowsing them with chemical weapons, for what?
For those of us that hear the call, we are here to protect the sacredness of children and life on this great planet. Healing our inner divide is the fastest way. That is where we will find our heart's direction.
One of my great teachers was sharing information on how unresolved issues gets passed down for generations until made right. The example he gave was if your grandfather cut someone's head off with an ax, the weight of causing the death of another would surely visit many generations.
That has been my experience. There was great harm caused to others by my lineage, and it has taken a lifetime to reach a tipping point of healing and beginning to make things right. I am not sure if eternity is enough time for the inter-generational trauma my family created.
I just happened to reach a point in my awareness to know I chose this family, and I chose to end the extreme brokenness they carried, and yes my own brokenness. Crushing would be putting it mildly and it has taken extreme tenacity and commitment to reach this sweet spot I am beginning to experience. I am getting ready to turn 68 and I am at a place in my life where a complete reinvention of my life is being called for. I am gratefully peaceful about this for most of the day. I am getting ready to write a proposal for a project I have held in my heart for years. My passion has been to "sing my soul". To find an expression of my life work that is new and to make a difference in the world.
I think most of us are purpose driven, and for sure I am. I never could just sit up here on this mountain and paint pretty pictures.
I honestly never thought I would have lived long enough to be able to catch my breath and experience this place of trust.
In hindsight, healing inter-generational trauma, requires much, learning how to discharge pain is vital, and calling in ancestors and those that have loved you makes the whole journey doable. Family and community support is the way. My heart aches for the trauma we have caused the Native Americans and the horrendous trauma we caused them.
The tools I have found, held the door open to find a way out, and to heal myself and the 7 generations back and the 7 generations to come. The 3 Selves is foundational, the triple man. Working to elevate our consciousness. Ho'oponopono is the most profound system of making things right, healing ourselves first and therefore our world.
We are facing big issues as a people. We need big approaches. if you want more info check out
Its time to start an difficult conversation.
More to come.
I remember a great teacher saying you have to have a purpose or passion so big it drives you to move through whatever is in front of you. I think without this piece healing can remain elusive.
I am so moved by experiencing my passion from a more authentic or clear space. Letting go of worrying about what others may think, afraid I will experience more pain, or maybe vaporize at any moment was slowing my movement.
I have been determined to not make any moves unless I feel it is Spirit driven. That state of mind has been somewhat elusive, yet when I can live from that space it is way more healing and calm. I am so happy to have moments every day of filling with a knowing Divinity is guiding me.
When I got back from Mexico this trip, it was as if I was staring down the eyes of my greatest fears. A bit timid in my approach I knew what to do. Now how to be with what I saw there was where my concerns leaked in.
Amazing how scary it was stepping deeper into the unknown of who I am. Breathing, visualizing, possibilities of outcomes; a place where trust thrives.
One of the most important motivating energies that always spurs me forward is passion. I have a few top passions, and sharing them has been like walking on Velcro at times, and yet I wouldn't change my walk in any way.
Finding myself by discovering what feeds me, energizes me and letting go of a big chunk of caring what others think, and experiencing a much kinder and wider heart space was a most unexpected outcome from this trip.
Before I left I was wondering what had happened to that magical space of expecting miracles.
I can remember a young woman who wrote a book called "Sexy, Crazy Cancer" followed wherever her heart led her and at some point her body encapsulated her tumors. I believe this is the doorway to our inner blueprint.
I am reminded of an old Chinese proverb. The greatest distance is the journey from your head to your heart.
Following and fanning my wee flame of passion, exploring and letting go, my natural curiosity has resurfaced.
I did my guided meditation to discover what the bigger teaching of this tooth thang and I saw it was shake up my confined life, and boy has it.
I am being guided on moving forward from a beautiful space and now I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I have experienced some deep healings of knowing the timing of events had to happen as they did to open these doors.
I feel blessed.
Awakening to the possibility that within me is the blueprint to healing whatever ails me revolutionized my approach. Now how to access that vast resource. I must say that was my initial interest in the inner child.
If that is the door way to accessing more knowledge than all the libraries in the world combined, how do I get there.
There are many people who have lots of exercises on healing the inner child, there is SITH Ho'oponopono, and there are many spiritual exercises that create repetitive exercises (like chanting, meditation, Ghandi spun wool) that build trust and inner communion. For me it is key to become more awake to that is what I am pursuing.
When a block appears to remind myself that may be a call to build inner trust.
The last trip to Mexico still remains almost mystical. To be hit over the head with my inner child was not on board with my healing if I continued with bulldozing my way to get through this. The self sabotage I experienced just getting on the plane was was in my face.
I love this example about chanting. Fill the mind with repetitive words, engage it until you can hear "SPIRIT" which is heard by the inner child. Artists do the same thing. There are moments available where our mental body has surrendered to our creativity where we lose concept of space and time. That can be true of dancing, sports, cooking, beading, at of any kind, etc. Did you know if you are out in nature all self talk ends after 20 minutes?
Practicing our art long enough, with repetition, allows the trust to build until the mental body surrenders to the inner child and allows it to take over. That is where we can experience our bliss.
Sadly we are not taught the mechanism of surrender.
For me surrender was life threatening as a child. With all the trauma entangled in that process, I sometimes have an automatic response of a panic attack to the at of surrender. When I can consciously be present to that is how I am hot wired, I can rewrite that conversation or begin to. This trip to Mexico filled me with several examples of how safe and easy it can be if I commune wit my inner team.
I am struck with the importance of engaging in some fun visualizations where I unite my inner child, mental mind and call in my High Self (which holds the blueprint to my way out or up). Doing this as I begin every day is allowing me to move through some of my greatest challenges with a sense of empowerment and possibility.
I know I have drawn in my life experiences to bring me to these awareness-es so I can give this round all that I have, and to do a good job for myself and Creator. To experience a place to rest in these troubling times of our own creation. Easy sailing to heal our inner divide, to heal our world and our planet.
For me I long and yearn to free myself from this intense inner struggle for survival and live my spirit driven life.
So what does it take to turn the corner with chronic disease or life threatening ailments? What do you do if you are given a death sentence, or a terminal prognosis?
I don't pretend to have the answers. I have coached others and witnessed powerful distinctions, especially with myself.
I do live from life is a choice, and that my results are proportionate to my commitment. I know it has taken many re commitments, sometimes daily to stay around.
Early on I knew I came here to heal my lineage of abuse and violence, and for years did not doubt my ability to pull it off. Yet when my health really started to go down hill, on some level I lost touch with my power of choice and sort of succumbed to living in a state of fear, panic and survival. I would study more, pray more, learn how to make medicines, and try to find my divine connection. I also knew I was not there because of the intense level of fight I was in. Fighting this symptom and that symptom.
I had an entire year of not being able to move and stayed in bed. I would not go to a dr because of what I witnessed with diagnosis. I do not recommend anyone to do what I did.
What I noticed about diagnosis was the law of attraction, the dark side. I lost my dearest friends to cancer. They walked their road which I respected, and I had to walk mine.
Once being told healing is impossible or improbable, their love ones get informed, their dr's and help staff are informed and from that day forward everyone experiences their loved one through the lens of they are not going to make it. That thought form is fed unconsciously from that day forward. Families begin an early grieving process with the expectation of death. Most choices are made from this position. The patient is experiencing their own inward journey of what all this means and what is in front of them. Difficult feelings get suppressed in order to make what time is left be loving.
What we resist persists. If there is an aspect of me that I deem dark and refuse to feel it for whatever reason, I feed that dark feeling. I want to avoid it at all costs almost to the point of if I feel this it is going to be like the boogy man and devour my progress or destroy me. I live from avoidance at all costs. It builds more energy until it takes on more mass and form and manifests. All the time I think I am being positive. The part of us that runs the body is our inner child, and this approach does not enhance his/her cooperation with our healing.
In the light side of manifesting, I identify my goal or outcome, visualize it feel it and live from the expectation of its manifestation. If it is scary I suppress it, fearful
I do know the greatest chance of surviving will be to find protocols you believe in. Finding your own way. Keeping your heart and eyes on what your situation is manifesting to teach you and what is the gift held there. I believe all that we manifest is filled with gifts if we can retrain ourselves in how we perceive our journey. Birthing a new life always involves growing pains.
Understanding the 3 selves for me, made all this make sense, and practicing building relationship within has led me to great richness of spirit, and walking through some seemingly impossible moments.
Remember, your High Self was once a mental self which was once an inner child. The blueprint or map to transforming and elevating all that ails you is already within you.
Hopefully this will be the last trip to the tooth fairy for at least 6 months. I am definitely getting better and am feeling greatly relieved.
It was so interesting yesterday. We had no electricity or internet for 9 hours. I am not sure I liked how lost I felt without technology or a way of working on the internet. Massive interrupt and a time of reflection.
I can remember this story about 30 years ago about a woman who was multiple personality. In one personality she had late stage cancer, and in another personality she showed no symptoms. This story has followed me for 30 years in my inquiry into transformation. I have looked deeply and tried a bunch of things to hit that space, and not sure I had much success until this year.
I have had pleurisy 4-5 times over the last 7 years, and it is very painful and usually puts me horizontal for days. After my last trip to Mexico with all the infections I had a bout with pleurisy. The most interesting thing happened. I went "no biggie" took 2 Aleve and kept going. The next day I was well. This might sound odd, and for me this was a huge victory. The first awareness I had hit the space of switching how I was perceiving disease and that I was turning a big corner with my health. One victory will lead to many. I know it. This along with the awareness that all disease is consciousness, and manifests because some need is not being met with the inner child/non-conscious self.
This trip, although intense borders on a mystical experience for me. Being able to identify a component of my unmet needs, and beginning to address them with priority and have them work with gains of energy, just feels liberating. I have been working on this for ages, and I have tried many new approaches.
Using this to deal with my current challenges and have the doors open to possibilities and new choices is such a relief.
I worked on a treasured dear friend returning home. She requested some energy work. She asked and she received. She found herself at a place of choice and it was very disconcerting for her to face the possibility her physical challenges could fall away. Before I left I met a wonderful couple and during our conversation we were talking about healing and she said she wasn't sure if she wanted to get well. It scared her.
I had to look at my own experience with my physical issues. Is it possible all these challenges are a way I managed the unknown and had not taken the time to build self trust? Food for thought.
I have heard it said, we teach what we need to learn. I find that true for me. I was talking with a friend in Phoenix, and she had begun a blog, and found she started writing to please. What I mean by that is she sat down to share and her mind went to "writing for others". That has happened a number of times and when I experience that I will elevate that conversation.
That being said, today I am writing for me and to share how cool this stuff is when it works. This is not an easy time for for me. I know this is true for many right now, and maybe if we shared how we were navigating through some of this stuff it would be a wonderful resource. I know it is easier together.
Within the last 60 days, a beloved business has crashed and burned, borrowed money against my house for all this dental work, intense challenges with my health. Scarey symptoms.
When I left for Mexico this trip and all hell broke loose. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. I kept looking at what need was I not meeting. I started doing my cleaning of old programming (learned by SITH Ho'oponono, so worth experiencing), and things started shifting and elevating almost immediately. There were new approaches that opened many more openings of my heart, energy and ability to connect.
It took me over 15 hours to arrive home yesterday and slept over 14 hours. Upon awakening, I was filled with immense sadness, I was discourage at the failed business after 30 years and all that would be at the effect of this loss. I instantly became soul weary. It was looking bleak, and I could not see a way out. I thought to myself I have to walk into my sadness and feel it all. Maybe that would open thing up, or at least reveal some possibilities. I said to myself, if this does not work I may just roll over.
My dental journey was intense. 6-7 hours of ugh. Then coming home I saw the alert signs of serous rain and storms ahead. A 2 hour drive became an almost 5 hour drive. Then slept 14 hours. That is how afraid I was to feel my feelings, and face the possible losses in front of me.
I walked into my feelings, prayed and breathed into it all with as little resistance as possible. OMG!!!!! In less that 5 minutes, a huge door opened. I just started following each idea as it presented itself. A first in this kind of ease. I became emboldened, i felt bold, courageous and trusting what is in front of me.
I left for the bank, ran some errands. You know when we drive we are in the right side of our brain and it is easy to access heightened states of awareness. Wow in a 30 minutes, I knew what steps to take. When I woke up there was an interview about a young girl that was raising her little brother, worked 3 jobs, wrote over 100 letters of introduction and found her perfect dream career. She said "if you are persistent someone will find you".I took that as a possible God wink. At one stop I heard the song OOHHH child things are going to get easier. I smiled. Then walking to the next store a dragonfly followed above me to the door.
I began experience great gratitude and a great sense of purpose and direction.
More lessons from the tooth fairy. I apologize for not posting. I am having internet challenges traveling to Mexico.
I have not shared much about the intense and sometimes grave moments in this healing process. Endeavoring to to treat it like a speed bump and alas I was disconnecting from inner child.
Sometimes I just keep pushing through things from a willful place and am negligent in the tender and caring moments with myself.
So here is how it unfolded.
I went to have a glass of wine the evening before with a treasured friend. I had had insomnia for weeks. I still had to pack. Watched TV fell asleep without setting alarm and had to leave house at 1:30 AM.
Woke up at 2 AM and rushed around and packed Ran out at 2:30 for a 2 hour drive to the airport.
Got to the airport with 45 minutes to spare, going through TSA check,and left car in car in long term parking. Ran to get phone, made it to gate as we were boarding. I was in a full blown panic attack and drenched.
My first stop was Chicago. While on the plane I wondered what all this resistance and distraction was about....
First trip to Mexico had 5 abscesses, 5 root canals, 5 crowns and a bridge. 27 hours in the chair, and found a dentist I could trust. It was intense and had no pain medication except Novocaine and Motrin. I loved my dentist, and had my first experience of a Doctor working on me with a deep sense of love and attention to detail. He was a lil rough with the shots though.
Got home and began treating my infections with natural remedies, and boy was I in rough shape. I was told it would take up to a year to get my immune system to deal with all this infection.
75 days later, starting to feel better, could easily count to 50 again, starting to feel inspired with my art work. My spirits were lifting.
One morning I was eating a piece of toast and a front tooth broke off below the gum line. It had had a root canal and a crown from first trip to Mexico.
I called the dentist and arranged to be there in 3 days for emergency extraction. Off to Mexico again.
The first trip was incredibly intense and I managed. This trip nearly killed me. This was the most pain I have ever experienced and I sucked it up and kept going. I had the extraction, and a bone graft.
Stitched up I went home and went on another round of antibiotics. This bone graft (which is mt 3rd) was excruciating, and became seriously infected after the antibiotics. 2 weeks in bed treating my mouth with oils.
I was treating my jaw every 10 minutes all day, for 6 days and it healed. Then back to mexico to get another bridge.
Back to my plane ride to Chicago. I meditated and realized my inner child had dug her heals in, felt terribly neglected and not on board with another trip to the dentist. Enough pain. Did my inner work, and within an hour I was experiencing a big shift, a happy shift full of understanding, and being more relaxed than I could remember. Got to Chicago and 6:14 am and felt like a huge Chicago Hot Dog with onions and mustard and a bag of chips. Best breakfast I have ever had.
The lesson about the power of disconnection, and the power of reconnecting is a life lesson I will never forget.
I feel like such an infant in this journey with my 3 selves. I know it is eternal. I feel like I turned a powerful corner, learned a lot and was blessed with lots of energy and love. A new trust awakened. This stuff really works.
Yesterday they ground my teeth and took impressions so today I have the day off in Yuma. Oy is it hot. 99 degrees at 10 AM. Too hot to swim.
My quest this round has been; what has to be in place to make things right, to manifest my dreams, to unleash my authenticity, and to serve Creator. The same as most of us.
Because of the many years it took to process my history, inter-generational trauma, and get a handle on my chronic physical stuff, sometimes pressure is cumulative. When that happens I get soul weary. The advice I get most is be grateful, count your blessings and stay away from negativity. There is truth to that, yet when I am overloaded and overwhelmed I have to have a way of discharging my energy. I definitely do not feel heard in those situations.
If a person is balanced, centered and aligned, gratitude will open the energy. Feeling heard and not judged is a WOWZA moment. Magical just hearing myself witnessed by someone else can be most magical.
I spend a lot of time alone so I do not always have someone around who is gifted in this art of listening. I love listening for the beauty of a person in front of me and letting them discharge. One of the most profound tools I have ever explored.
Once I get present to what is really going on with me, it is so much easier to elevate that conversation. I can remember one of my teachers said, you are into self sabotage. That was a strange response to me. I replied of course I am, and if I could see it or feel it I could change it.
That is why I have found the teachings on the 3 selves so amazingly helpful. They have allowed me to understand the importance of not judging myself so much. To experience
how magical transformation can be and it is so much easier.
I can remember a moment where I was being facilitated through an old trauma. It is on film and still powerful today. He asked me what I was feeling and I replied "terrified". He said no you are not. I think my eyes glazed over because I was not relaxed. He said you are terrified of feeling you terror. If you can be fully present to your feelings, they will transform in minutes. Something clicked. I experience my terror, and within moment I could feel it leaving and in it's place a sense for profound forgiveness and a space of magical and easy healing.
So then began one of my greatest passionate inquiries. Learning how to be present to what I feel, letting go of judgement, and allow the magic of being human to grow.
The distinctions I have shared on the 3 selves were life changers for me. The resolved the seemingly mysterious answers I had sought on why my ability to manifest was sometimes so challenging.
A large portion of my life is spent in communion with nature, and I am often horrified at our current stance on taking care of our Earth. In fact I am horrified as to what is happening politically. I heard a politician say the other day a remarkably profound insight into our current reality. We must heal our inner divisiveness as the best way to deflect the intruders hacking into our countries political worlds. Putin or Trump cannot make us hate each other, rip children from mothers arms and separate families for months or forever, destroy the earth and enable extinction of our glorious wildlife. We are creating this, through our past apathy and by not assuming responsibility, often by not knowing where to begin. It must begin with each of us looking within to heal our inner divisiveness.
I believe our current political environment is one of the most profound wake up calls the earth has afforded us. This is a tie to make things right on every level. That will not be possible by hating the otherness of others. Maybe that is not just about hatred of others, maybe that is a function of consciousness. Check this out.
From User Illusion, Tor Norreanders
Coming to consciousness (an identity appears around 3) means a rupture in continuity, the emergence of a divide between Self and Other. With the thought a new level of existence opens up for us.
It is not a painless process. Winnicot suggested that one could interpret children’s use of teddy bears as transitional objects between the inside and the outside. To smooth the passage between the self and the rest of the world, children use comforters and teddy bears. Later on, more advanced things take over: art, religion, alcohol, pills and books. The fundamental angst arising from the idea that we are separated from the world is dulled by whatever means we can find.
In his remarkable book Coming to our Senses, Morris Berman employs this childhood separation as the key to understanding why we deny our own body and the feelings we register in it. For when we distinguish between our self and the rest of the world a conflict arises: how do they relate to each other” We may den the existence of our consciousness (and experience an ecstatic sense of oneness with the world by forgetting ourselves), or we can deny the existence of the outside world and its differentness, allowing the consciousness and the subconscious to rule without being contradicted.
The distinction between self and differentness becomes a recurrent theme in history. We learn to distinguish between friend and foe, tame and wild, worldly and heavenly. The more or less desperate attempt to keep alive the idea that we posses control over ourselves I manifested in nations states and standing armies.( which arose at the same time as the mirror and self-consciousness).
The real drama is the inner conflict: you are a person with a body, but you do not want to acknowledge that body, for it is uncontrollable, weird and revolting. What really terrifies us is everything you (consciousness) cannot control.
The result of this denial is a feeling of intense emptiness, and inner disturbance that constantly needs compensating for with transitional objects. Everything uncontrollable is a threat to the mental consciousness, and we seek to eradicate it through intensive use of pesticides, zoos, and television. We have got to get the different under control, for” the mere idea of an outside is the real source of angst.
Nuclear holocaust is really a scientific vision of utopia, in which the world is finally expunged of the messy, organic, and unpredictable-by being wiped out-purified. Suicide, whether on the political, environmental or personal level, is the ultimate (and most effective) solution to the problem of otherness. Examples include not only nuclear war but the extermination of the Jews, homosexuals, and other minorities by the Nazis, the way modern households exterminate spiders and tame wild animals as pets. We shall solve it all, destroy any vestige of wild, disorganized Other entirely, so that Self now reigns supreme in a pure, dead and totally predictable world.” Berman.