The reasons I started writing this blog was two-fold. Encouraged by friends to write down some steps, that are very powerful and supportive to coming back into balance with myself, and that it would be very healing for me to put myself out there. The greater purpose, has been in hopes of touching someone who might be facing a bleak diagnosis or feeling hopeless.
Without hope the doorway out is harder to find, and it can be a descending spiral, survivable and not much fun. With hope, I can dig a little deeper and reinvent myself once again. Now, faith is another story. So I always start with hope and some of the ways I find it I will write a bit about.
Since unresolved feelings, moments or memories remain in our being as trapped energy, one of my favorite tools is to write down every negative thing or conversation and then burn it. Release it into the cosmos. If it involves a relationship with many unspoken conversations that is what I write. Every feeling and unsaid words. Then I burn it. It always brings me to a sense of completion. If it is an inner conversation or even a conversation about God, I start writing. There is always an in filling of light and the beginnings of hope. New perspectives are easier to explore from here.
Another great way of getting in touch with feelings is listening to music. Finding a quiet spot, and letting the music open you to your feelings and sometimes long buried conversations. In my deepest beliefs we are a triple being, High Self, Middle Self and Low Self, the most empowering realization is my High Self was once all of these. Within the consciousness of the High Self is the blueprint out or up. Another vital piece to this puzzle has been, we can hear Spirit only in our low self/inner child/heart. So if I am stuck or challenge, I often will meditate, pray, sit by a tree, walk for at least 25 minutes or listen to music. This is what works for me and anything that opens me to my feeling I use. In the course of my studies, I found teachings on my High Self that rocked my world and answered many questions on blocks to manifestation.
The High Self has to be petitioned. It resides outside of our physical body and is attached via aka cords or those silver threads I used to read about as a young woman. Because of where it resides it needs mana, or chi to manifest my prayers, and it does not have the capacity to manufacture or gather chi. The low self/inner child/subconscious can gather or manufacture chi, and it is in charge of our physical bodies. In Max Freedom Long he writes in a book What Jesus Taught in Secret, how the disciples supported Christ by using life force energy supporting some of the huge miraculous manifestations of His Love. For me, this began to answer so many questions I have had and gave me a bit of a blueprint on how the 3 selves work together. So for the first 7 years I just focused on connecting to my inner child/subconscious/low self. I had never heard of the connection to the High Self.
It has been said the loneliness we feel as human beings is the longing of the High Self to serve. I have a profound chart in the resource section you can download or look at to see the roles of the 3 selves. This took about 5 years to put together and it has been so very helpful.
I found most of my healing was motivated by fear, fear I wasn’t going to be able to turn this around and that I had to work harder and be more committed, and there is truth in that. However, once I began to understand that what I really had to do was to gather the energy and send it to my High Self. All I had to do was to surrender at that point. The nature of the middle self is to never surrender and on top of the sexual abuse I experienced surrender was not in my makeup. I knew I had to take baby steps and that all this was doable. Learning how to navigate in the unknown for me is still uncomfortable and I am learning that is just a natural jumping point until I develop enough trust to let go and have more fun.
For me this whole conversation has been very empowering. All the conversations of self-doubt and “what am I doing wrong”? began to melt away. I began approaching releasing trapped energy and rewriting older conversations with greater ease and greater light.
Right now I am focusing on the energies of the Divine Feminine, invoking guidance, insight, grace and love. I am invoking the High Self of the Divine Feminine to open my being to a miraculous healing. I am spending more time being filled with confidence and peace regardless of what is happening for me physically. This is really fun. Don’t be frightened. Remember the definition of insanity; doing the same thing over and over expecting different result. Next step finding out who I am in all this.