For bigger shifts sometimes things get messy. Learning it is OK to make mistakes, being willing to risk, to speak the unspeakable, carrying on with your inner work and above all having faith you are where you are supposed to be.
I stick by my belief all these challenges are here to free us, not punish us. Illness is not here to punish us, if you are challenged here, are hear to teach us how to heal.
Unfortunately many of our hierarchical systems are founded on the belief when things go awry, it is because you have done something wrong, or are impure. Some of my dearest friends distanced me for years as I struggled with my health because they felt I wanted to be sick. On some level I knew I created it and that question sent me on a 23 year journey back to balancing my health, and that has been a wondrous and magical journey. Truly I did not know if I would make it as I was very challenged.
I have come to appreciate my challenges and relationships as profound opportunities to clear some of the old programming I have carried for eons.
I held tight to my knowing results are proportionate to my commitment. That has always produced momentous change and transformation. In January I was hanging by a thread, and yes I have a ways to go.
Digging deep to find my footing and trying new things has been messy, unpredictable and stressful. Yet all has pointed me into a path of trusting the new pathways opening was where I must go.
I do not regret a moment. I am still nervous and have many moments of magic and passion, and new gifts and talents emerging. New easier results. I know this journey is eternal so I remain on guard about attachments.
There is a part of me that wishes I could say, do a +b = will magically change everything.
I am convinced what it takes is learning to be nimble and going with the flow, and always honoring my inner relationship with my inner child and surrendering the results to Creator. The last part of this sentence, invoking Creator to heal my programming, is the only way through this, for that I am convinced.