I can remember having a phone call with several peers in the industry of transformation and we were exploring the possibility of doing a workshop together and I said, I felt our greatest challenge as human beings was feeling our feelings, and learning how to be with the hidden ones and allow them to transform, rather than stuff them.
Initially it was a very exciting conversation. We began to imagine how our diversity could come together. I was jazzed. As we continued, I shared some of the revolutionary approaches explored in “User Illusion”, and the possibility we are off target in our approach, and how exciting to explore new approaches and new strategies.
Then there was a resounding “you can’t tell people they are wrong!” Mind you I had known both peers for over 20 years. I scratched my head and wondered if there was any role I could play in creating something together because the 3 selves and our neglectful approach to our subconscious, and our continued attempt to dominate our feelings, I feel is why the world is so askew at this time. For me it creates a break within which is screaming to be explored and pondered.
If our approach was so spot on why is our world so shocked at the anger, rage and division being expressed? If we are truly co-creators of our reality, then why is all this hatred and prejudice here now.
If all it took was controlling our feelings our world would look very different. With a 16 year memory loss, I was told early on in order to heal I was going to have to relive those suppressed memories. For me the world was not very supportive of getting in touch with my feelings and once there how do I elevate them. There have been many a relationship through the years, where people would tell me to just get over it, and to think of the positive things. There have been many moments I did not feel positive, I felt very scared navigating this by myself. I did not see very many places where getting in touch with the darker feelings was tolerated, much less having an understanding that unless trauma is dealt with it becomes trapped energy and runs your life and choices anyway.
Being deeply engaged in “what does it take to transform those darker feelings, I have had a chance to work with many people, and what I find is that most people are absolutely terrified of feeling their feelings, much less expressing them. When I was developing The Philosopher’s Stone and taught a few classed, I immediately had 18 people who wanted to be coaches. They wanted to instantly go out and heal their friends and family. I was very strict about doing the work yourself. I operate from the inner knowing I cannot lead anyone to places where I have not given the space to myself first. One of my mentors said it is the healers of the world that have caused the most upheaval and damage to our world. That certainly gave me a few years of pause and introspection. I began to explore this with some of my friends and I was horrified ant some of their answers and very appreciative of their honesty at the same time. One acquaintance was a Dr. and worked with veterans as a Psychologist. I was exploring this thing I was noticing of did I perpetuate difficulties and illnesses in my processes. Was I somehow keeping clients engaged to grow my business. These were not the most elegant answers to dig up and so very important for my personal integrity and living with myself. Anyway back to my therapist friend. I shared my personal inquiry and he openly said he never let someone go, or be confident in their leaving his mentorship until he had someone to replace him. He was a brilliant man, and I admired him and this way of being with clients set off every warning flag for me personally. I was in conversation with one of my mentors and we were talking about classes and the healing modalities we loved and he said he targeted each student to take about $30,000. We all need to make a living and it is wise to map out price strategies that afford a decent lifestyle, but what happens when that becomes the focus rather than providing a space for someone to become self-reliant and have the tools to step into their “unknown genius” or creativity. Armed with realistic expectations of the tools provided. For me, this approach is mired in the many traps, whistles and bells of the mental body.
I recently was working with a student that was facing the possibility of death, she had coded, been revived and felt to call me. I was tough on her in a way by pointing her deeply into assuming responsibility, although unconscious, that she was creating this, and that by assuming responsibility it would lead her to great freedom as well as learning to feel her feelings. We talked about each of ours fears and successes of learning how to feel, and she expressed her terror of becoming un-numb and feeling again, and that pull was far greater than learning how to be with her feelings. I have experienced people willing to go insane rather than feel, I have had all those feelings as well, and have great compassion that it is a road we have to learn how to walk down. The speed of our journey is always determined by our ability to learn how to trust ourselves. I believe there is an innate fear if we feel our darker feeling we will be consumed by them or become horrible human beings. I also believe this is why all this hatred is coming to the surface. We have been so confronted by the prejudice and hatred carried within our humanness and have been taught for a very long time to avoid the negative at all costs.
One of my teachers said to me a long time ago “Jan if you trust your feelings they will lead you out of this. “I believe in Creators ultimate wisdom and that we have a job to do. I do not believe he created us in order for us to deny an entire aspect of our being……. I believe we are here to elevate our humanness, and to witness the purity of our essence within that space. I believe we are here to untangle from the programming of our journeys together and to set ourselves free into our new world of our relationship to all life. A chance to awaken to the beauty of a more spirit driven destiny into the magic of life and who we are together.
Over thirty-five years ago I made a powerful commitment to do whatever it took to heal myself.. My emotional life was a mess and I began my search for tools and technologies that produced