As I began to crawl out of bed after a year, wondering what else I could try, I found a book in my library on black salves. It really is a testimonial of the power of herbs, most of which can be found in our kitchen or my back yard. I still had a lot of swelling in my thyroid area, and my lymph nodes were like purple peas and the pressure in my head almost unbearable. I had heard it was painful and was not prepared for how much pain I would go through. When I first started applying the mixture, I thought this will be a cake walk. Ha! This mixture too will not react unless there is cancer, and it is so strong it will pull it out of the skin. I had read once you start, you should not stop until finished or you can possible aggravate the cancer and cause it to grow.
The only place it reacted was my thyroid area, lymph and head. I did not complete the application because of the pain. First round I sat at the house for 3 weeks and rocked back and forth all day. That is all I could do. I did decide to get acupuncture. He was a gentle soul and most horrified at how my neck looked and alarmed he could not find a pulse. The first couple of days, just some redness, then blisters, then….. Here is a pic of the first few days.
So now I was getting a bit scared. I just checked my records. I attempted to complete the cleanse 3 times. I am going to share some pictures of all stages. There was no scarring.
The rest I will display as a slideshow.
These pictures were from October 2013-January 2014. Three attempted tries to complete.
I was freaked out; I began to experience a lot of pain in one spot in my head. I had had a lot of pressure in my head since about 2005 which kept getting worse. I never knew what that was about and when the pain became localized in one spot deep within my brain with a lot of pain. I went back to bed for several months. The pain in my head was immense. Living in the woods by myself and finding a way through this was a blessing in a way. I just had a chance to deal with my own fears, and my own inner conversations. I have a few friends that hung in there with me, most had disappeared long ago. Sometimes I feel my saving grace was being alone. I was faced with my own desire to live and be happy and change the hidden conversation. Plowing ahead, and learning how to rewrite my deepest conversations. Oh, and through all this I started going blind. I knew I had cataracts, and what I was not prepared for was how fast I was losing my vision, and how was I going to take care of myself? How would I drive. I was on food stamps, and money was in a trickle down mode, drip, drip, drip. I also lost my sense of color so my art work was a very sad loss. I eventually could only see about 6 inches in front of me.
Most people who know me just figured I would find my way through all this, and my confidence that I was going to make it was definitely challenged.
Some friends of mine in Cherokee invited me to bring some of my art to one of their fairs, and that was the beginning of a massive paradigm shift.
My table was next to an extraordinary soul and artist. An internationally known artist and the most magical woman I have met this lifetime. Little did I know in a few days she would say something that would save my life.
It has been a challenge for some of my friends, especially those that, even though they taught natural healing, would be the first to go to a Doctor or my friends who did not believe in anything other than allopathic medicine. I always found that a bit incongruent for those teachers and leaders in the natural healing industries, when pushed would never try out the things they taught. They are still out there posting cures for this and that, and when it comes to them go out and have that organ removed.
Last year I did have some teeth removed, one that had a root canal, and others because I had developed infection in my jaw bones. The root canal that had been abscessed for 12 years.
My choices are my choices, and I do not do what someone else tells me to do. The ones I do listen to or open to learn from are the people who walk their talk, period. Otherwise it is mental chatter, and I have enough of that going on.
Now back to the extraordinary woman I met. She came by my house a few days later. It was as if every time she opened her mouth Creator was teaching me; pearls of wisdom for my ravaged body and soul.
We started growing a friendship, and on one of her visits I opened up and showed her the pictures of my journey and shared my profound sadness that my journey seemed to be ending. One of the things that kept me alive was the thought of meeting my parents again. She laughed and assured me I had other relatives. I have reached many levels of forgiveness and understanding of their brokenness and seeing them was not anything I wanted to do.
So this is the big life changer. She began to share the teachings of her tribe on the Bear Clan and said I was Bear Clan. What opened for me was that I had chosen this path journeying through the causes of disease and learning from the plant kingdom. I know my words cannot do justice for this moment.
I had missed the mark by interpreting my situation through the lens of” what was I doing wrong?” and undermining my trust in my life, my choices and the magic of my life even though it was challenging at times. What she gave me in sharing the teachings of the Bear Clan, was a big picture of my journey and a moment to be in wonder of the orchestration of my life. I had experimented with many natural protocols, I had a quality of life that was extraordinary, I learned how to make some of the best tinctures in the world, I had developed a technology that provides a magical opportunity to change hidden dialogues, I had 2 years of ceremony, learning how to make flower essences and learned how to be taught by them, to hear plant medicine, to become closer to Creator and get clear on my priorities.
I am going to summarize what I feel kept this door open for over 20 years. I trusted my inner knowing I had chosen this life and chose my family. I believed the human body was magic and had the innate ability to heal and come into balance. I put myself in an environment where I could assume greater responsibility and had a few friends that I loved. I would seek what opened the energy for me and slow down and make different choices when the energy closed. I learned how to feel my feelings, especially the darker ones with little to no judgement so I could witness the magic of my inner healing machine, When I had exhausted everything I could think of I surrendered to my higher knowing on how to do what I came here to do this lifetime, and at this late stage, the energy opens, my hope is restored, and I continue to put one foot in front of the other. I am happier than I have ever been, and I know Creator is there for me. It has been a long haul, most magical and deeply spiritual and fulfilling.
I take many moments to discover what feeds my soul and develop distinctions on what is distraction and what is nurturing. Namaste.
Over thirty-five years ago I made a powerful commitment to do whatever it took to heal myself.. My emotional life was a mess and I began my search for tools and technologies that produced